I am a whore.

okay so my title may seem a little inappropriate... so let me explain myself. wedding dress by derek webb is currently my song of addiction. it's the way i feel about my life right now... which is good and bad. the lyrics are the following:

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I'd ever need
or is there more I?m looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I?m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don't trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

Because money cannot buy
a husband's jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

my life... or at least the way i feel it is. God the creator of the universe desires a relationship with me and what do i do... i prostitute my love all over the place... many times without even realizing what i am doing. i can't help but feel fake in my walk with God. it kind of sucks to come to this realization because i really do love Jesus, but sometimes i let the stupidest of things get in the way of my relationship with Him. the good thing is... i finally see it and i have every intention of relying on God to reveal to me the things that i need to care less about and to help me desire Him and Him alone. i want to trust Him to provide. i want to fall more in love with Him, because He is the truest of love.