awak my soul :)

first off, mumford & sons is a fantastic band. if they don't know Jesus they unknowingly sing lyrics that refer to Him a whole lot... anyway...

THANKSGIVING BREAK!! Praise the Lord. My motivation took a sharp downward spiral this week and the fact that i have 9 days to be with my family and play catch up with work thrills me!!

looking back on this semester (that amazingly is almost over) i have some regrets, some things i was glad to see happen, and things that i wish could have happened. nonetheless patience has been a continuous theme and i think it will be something i continue to learn until i'm with Jesus.

for one God is teaching me that He grows me in His own time and at His desired pace. I AM NOT IN CONTROL. i'm an eager person and there is nothing i tend to be more eager about than growing closer to and wanting to know more about Jesus. not a bad thing, but sometimes i expect one lesson after another without much time in between the growth spurts.... not always what God has planned though.

i've definitely been challenged this semester more than any other. becoming more like Jesus has been amazing, but a struggle at the same time. my heart has been burdened for the things God wanted them to be this semester and sometimes it wasn't so easy to carry. thankfully God never gives us more than we can carry :) i'm really excited to see His faithfulness transforming me into the woman He wants me to be. His love has been oh so satisfying and i am blessed with the life He laid out for me :) i serve an all powerful God and it is the best thing... hands down.

patience.

love is patient. paul put it first when explaining the way of love to corinth. sometimes i suck just as bad as the corinthians at showing love through patience be it to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ or anyone else in this world. i was reminded of my sinful nature in this area just a few days ago.

sometimes i have days when it seems like people do one thing after another to test my patience... usually things that annoy me, which encompasses a broad list... but anyway, it's those days that i fail miserably at loving.

then i thought, how in the heck is God so patient? the things i do alone are so far from what His will has for me sometimes... i would have been done with me a long time ago. not only is He patient with me, but oh yeah, the 6 billion other people in the world. no big deal. on days when i do one disobedient act after another, so is everyone else in the world. thinking about that makes my head want to explode and at the same time fall to my knees in worship. my Savior loves me more than i realize most days. His patience is perfect and that is why He is the God of the universe and i am the joyful servant.

i pray that on days when i'm tempted to be impatient, i remember the patience i've received and instead show love.

rock of ages, your will be done.

i have been through, quite possibly, the craziest week of my life. between nursing and the other responsibilities of life i have hardly had a spare second. i'm alright though. i have realized that in the midst of my busyness i rely all the more on my Savior. it's a great thing. falling more in love with the Creator of the universe is a pretty exciting thing and i love seeing the fruit of it in my life. i owe anything good about me to my Maker and to the Spirit that He made come alive in me when i placed my faith in Him.

i really want His will to be done in my life. it's a daily fight against my flesh and the lies of Satan, but by His power i have righteous discernment. i write this mainly so i can look back on days when i feel defeated and know that the victory has already been won. my God is an amazing God and i could never imagine or want life without knowing Him.

Is there someone you can call when you stumble and fall?

i am not alone. this is something that every christian should know; but seeing as it has been a struggle in my own life, i am sure that i am not the only one. lately God has become even more real in my life. i have seen the evidence of Him changing my heart, the way i receive His love, and the way i love others... it blows my mind.

it is incredible how God provides in every aspect of my life. it is unfathomable the way He loves me. i am learning to stand, actually fall to my knees, in awe of His majesty. i have never been more humbled by His love and i rejoice in the fact that He is breaking down my sinfulness and opening my eyes to His truth probably in more ways than i am even capable of realizing all at once.

God is with me every day, walking alongside me, and guiding my way when i let Him. this adventure He is taking me on is far better than any plan i have ever imagined or fantasized about. it rocks. and HE is there to catch me when i stumble and fall to make my path straight again. surrender. best decision ever.

Come Awake, Come Awake.

Jesus is life. if you disagree with that truth i would love to talk about it with you. in fact talking about Jesus is something i am asking God to give me the desire to do more of. asking God to help me talk about God may confuse you as well. but authority has to stop somewhere and it does with the Uncreated One. you see, God is and always has been. He has no origin like this earth or ourselves and because of that He is the ultimate authority. He is ABLE to do whatever He wants, He holds all the power of the world He made in His hands. woah.

if you randomly opened a Bible chances are you would not have to read to far to find a recording of something impossible that God has done. creation, the flood, the plagues, the birth of Jesus from a virgin... old and new testament are filled with impossible circumstances and occasions that occurred because the Author of all of it can do INFINITELY more than our minds are capable of comprehending. man i serve an amazing, awesome, and powerful God!

He is in control. something i do believe but i don't always apply in my life. i like to be in control, know the details, and avoid failure as much as possible. until this weekend i never knew the impact that had on my relationship with God. coming to the realization was not something i rejoiced in knowing either... at first. with me taking and demanding control in my life i was belittling the power of God to do big things through me. i don't want that life anymore. losing control has actually been freeing. i know that everyday i am going to have to wake up and before my feet hit the floor give my day over to God. i'm excited about it though. i realized that me being in control also makes for a safe, boring life and that is the farthest thing from my desire. God knows that and i know the adventure He has in store will be more than i could have ever imagined.

i finally have my 3 m's in the correct order. i have given control to God to be my Master. right now radford university is my mission and God will reveal the next in due time. as for a mate... i want more time with my number One and to fall more deeply and passionately in love with my Redeemer before He brings me my number two if that's His will :)

there are not words to describe how awesome my God is! i love it when He wakes me up!

I am a whore.

okay so my title may seem a little inappropriate... so let me explain myself. wedding dress by derek webb is currently my song of addiction. it's the way i feel about my life right now... which is good and bad. the lyrics are the following:

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I'd ever need
or is there more I?m looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I?m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don't trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

Because money cannot buy
a husband's jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

my life... or at least the way i feel it is. God the creator of the universe desires a relationship with me and what do i do... i prostitute my love all over the place... many times without even realizing what i am doing. i can't help but feel fake in my walk with God. it kind of sucks to come to this realization because i really do love Jesus, but sometimes i let the stupidest of things get in the way of my relationship with Him. the good thing is... i finally see it and i have every intention of relying on God to reveal to me the things that i need to care less about and to help me desire Him and Him alone. i want to trust Him to provide. i want to fall more in love with Him, because He is the truest of love.

coffee shops are naturally easier to create a blog at.

over a whole month later and here i am again. blogging is seriously something i plan on getting more serious about, i'm just off to a rough start.

okay, so i have a little over two weeks left here in new england. how do i feel about it? bittersweet. being here was definitely God's plan, i have no doubt about that, it has been a summer full of stretching. my patience, for one has been greatly tested this summer and i thank God for it. He has given me patience this summer that i have never known before and i can see how He is molding more into the woman He wants me to be.

right now i am sitting at a coffee shop called breaking new grounds in portsmouth and i wish i could do this every day of my life. i have been reading god is closer than you think by john ortberg, a book i recommend to everyone, and i am totally relaxed and happy. God is so good. coffee, reading, and good music are all ways that i can feel His presence and know that He is right here with me. oh and people watching! that's definitely number one... as i just read it should be from the prospective of ortberg.

as i stood in a really long bathroom line, i talked to an older man who is visiting from st. louis, missouri... he is here visiting his son and grandchildren. his youngest grandson, who he talked most about and was standing in line with him, is apparently a star hockey player for his age. his grandpa's face lit up just talking about him, it was so cute.

i'm really beginning to look for God in every person i meet. it's really cool, you should try it too. because if we are all made in the image of God then He is definitely in us. we are Jesus' body now after all. i actually teared up when i read this line in the book "but if our eyes could see clearly, if our hearts were working right, we would fall to the ground in amazement at the sight of a single human being. they are the miracles. they are the God-carriers." i then looked at jenn and amy who i am here with today... we're the introverts, haha... and thought of all the ways God had spoke through them, just today. then i thought of all the miracles i have in my life and realized i am so unworthy and i have been ungrateful of all the blessings God has given me... here this summer, back in radford, my family, the list could go on forever.

reading through the book of acts this summer has been eye opening to me too. it makes me want to read the word so much... all of it and study it in detail... something new God has given me a greater desire for, who knows how long He has been trying to get that through my hard head, haha. reading of how the Holy Spirit worked through the apostles is inspiring. when God said go, they went. to a desert running after a chariot, imprisoned numerous times, to the very man who was persecuting them the most - but God intended to be one of His instruments in a huge way... and God can use me just like He used them. God didn't intend for my journey to be boring, He wants it to the adventure He laid out long before there was breath in my lungs. it may not be in huge miraculous ways or maybe it is... but God wants me to say as you wish when He says GO. something i am definitely more aware of and it is making me more in tune to listening for God.

that is just a little update of all the awesomeness. there have been hardships too no doubt, but all are making me even more appreciative of my Rock and my Redeemer :) without Him in this summer, I would have gone home two days in to being here... haha.